It's not about Will Power

It's been a week since I left Oceanstone and the Huna Retreat. There was one point during the weekend when we were having a conversation about the 3 selves that something different resonated for me.

For those who are not familiar with the 3 selves it is depicted almost like a snowman made of equal sized parts. All of these parts embody your being. Higher Self (signal, impulse, intuition), Middle Self (intellect, analysing) and Lower Self (Body, feeling, physical cues, processing).

In this particular conversation Louise was talking about how we are taught to cut off part of ourselves... that these 3 things are not all us. And in this conversation she was talking about how we use our intellect to control or dictate ourselves into submission (i.e. will power) and by doing so we ignore what else might be going on (bigger picture).

This clicked for me in my whole eating conversation. I have tried and tried, over and over to use will power to change my behavior. It changes, temporarily. But inevitably my body signals are responding (i.e. I get pissed off at someone/something, I get depressed/sad) and instead of engaging in those feelings and breathing through them, I choose to shove food in my mouth to suppress them.

This isn't working for me (obviously I'm still here writing about it).

So the question is... how do I engage from here? Do I merely stand in the place of my authentic self, moment to moment. Engaging or changing my mind however I feel compelled to live? Or is there something else here?

I don't know for sure. But what I do know is that will power isn't a be all and end all for me (it might work for some but it hasn't been for me yet).

How is my transformation going to unfold? Who can say for sure... it hasn't happened yet. But it has begun.

I'm looking forward to engaging in these conversations soon.

I know what it isn't about. Does it really matter what it is about?