Intamacy

Wow, who would have thought that I'd be at such a stall on blogs as I am undergoing this journey. Not me for sure.

I professed my life as an open book yet when it came to these real conversations surrounding body image and what lies beneath... I was keeping it hidden, keeping it a secret. Mostly from myself.

It is coming to the end of week 3 in my 8 week engagement with Louise surrounding the topic of my "Whole Healthy Self" and the invitations have been huge, making for fantastic insights.

Week one Louise left me with the notion of Secret ~vs~ Private. Although I wrote down a note to ponder that over the week I knew deep inside of me that if I allowed myself to go there it would have consequences. So I did not look at it again.

Week two Louise dove into that conversation with me and the insights I had were huge. Suddenly there was this elephant hanging around my neck... what I knew was always there, yet did not want to see because it holds consequences with it.

What did I hold as something I was needing in my life but the implications to recognize it were to huge for me to feel safe telling myself my truth? Lack of Intimacy.

Knowing that who I have chosen to share a life with has not accessed that which is within himself. Knowing this for a number of years yet I allowed that void to be reflected back at me as my being to needy. So for a few years now I have struggled to keep that "neediness" out of our relationship. Turning to food for comfort when normally one would turn to their partner.

Having had conversations where I've expressed my need for that intimacy and connection, and hearing him say that just isn't who he is... Sucking that back up and silencing it so I can go on keeping my family intact and appearing to be happy.

Comfortably Numb is more like it (thanks for that 'numb' reference today Amy it is now clicking).

Keeping that part of me that needs to be replenished, rejuvenated, seen, heard and celebrated tucked way down inside of me so I didn't have to face the fact that without it... I am not the full expression of who I know I am.

Constantly filling up on food where that is truly not what I need nor want in those times. After dark... when everyone has gone to bed.

The food numbing the feelings inside. The food replacing what I didn't know was accessible to others... intimacy... it's not about sex... it's about connection... it's about comfort... it's about being the crucible and the spear at the same time and sharing that openly with the partner you choose to have in your life.

This is who I am... I'm not asking for you to agree with me, believe what I believe or assimilate. I am asking to be a crucible where I feel I can be...

Be seen for who I am.

Be heard for what I say.

Be recognized for what I've done.

Be held when I need the strength.

It shouldn't be a struggle. It shouldn't be hard. It should just be. And if you don't feel you have that within... what is going to become?

I am.

I will no longer hide from myself.

These cloaks I have put on over the years (cloaks = pounds) are coming off, I am through hiding behind them.

Tomorrow is a new day... and there is always more.

Things to notice... things to consider... things to honor

Some fear and lots of rage as well. For me I sucked it up at home, fed my rage instead of expressing it... the irrational fear underlying this was if I spoke up I would be dismissed or passed off... which for me equalled being unloved. I would only allow myself to express my rage at school, through bullying and rebellion.

Not engaging in my fire as it arises. This cloak I wear allows me to stay small in the times I choose. To remain well liked and not a bitch. It allowed me to be tough to create a facade and demand to be seen. I remember giving food to others, trying to buy their love and affection, buying friendships. Trying to express to others their worth to me by buying them things.

Cloaking myself so I can build a thick skin...
Often told I am too sensitive and take things to heart, that I'm messed up... I needed a thick skin to get by. So I fed the rage that I felt as I was being passed off or disregarded.

Shoveled food in my mouth at the dinner table... forcing it down as I tried to hold back the tears.

Feeding my rage after a fight with my sister instead of standing up for myself... not wanting to express my rage because that would make me like her. So I would leave and eat at a friends house... then come back home and eat again as her apologies often came in the form of an especially delicious treat.

It was one fucked up reality... and I survived it, I built up my outer shell and made myself toughen up... to suck it up.

So here I am at 31 yrs old... feeling I am ready to conquer the world, and I wonder why I am hanging on to this cloak?

Do I still feel the need to have a thick skin, a protective barrier?

Do I still think others will judge me? And who cares?

With my words and actions I have no fear of judgement... why is my appearances still a stumbling block for me?

It's soon time for me to get connected with my body... over due I think.

What do I see?

How do I feel in my own skin?

What is it like to notice me... without filters or judgment?

This week this is my main focus... notice how it feels. Notice when the rage bubbles up and what triggers it. Notice why I am engaging in the behaviours when I engage in them... noticing how my body feels when I do it.

Taking time to listen to my body, honoring my needs, sleep, rest, thirst, move, etc.

The Conversations Begin

I'm about to embark on these conversations with Louise... after 28 years of battling with weight.

What do I hope to happen at the end of these conversations?

• Metabolizing the information
• Honoring the waves
• Consciously choosing in the moment
• Breathing
• Moving
• Integrating
• Living
• Being

It begins now...

It's not about Will Power

It's been a week since I left Oceanstone and the Huna Retreat. There was one point during the weekend when we were having a conversation about the 3 selves that something different resonated for me.

For those who are not familiar with the 3 selves it is depicted almost like a snowman made of equal sized parts. All of these parts embody your being. Higher Self (signal, impulse, intuition), Middle Self (intellect, analysing) and Lower Self (Body, feeling, physical cues, processing).

In this particular conversation Louise was talking about how we are taught to cut off part of ourselves... that these 3 things are not all us. And in this conversation she was talking about how we use our intellect to control or dictate ourselves into submission (i.e. will power) and by doing so we ignore what else might be going on (bigger picture).

This clicked for me in my whole eating conversation. I have tried and tried, over and over to use will power to change my behavior. It changes, temporarily. But inevitably my body signals are responding (i.e. I get pissed off at someone/something, I get depressed/sad) and instead of engaging in those feelings and breathing through them, I choose to shove food in my mouth to suppress them.

This isn't working for me (obviously I'm still here writing about it).

So the question is... how do I engage from here? Do I merely stand in the place of my authentic self, moment to moment. Engaging or changing my mind however I feel compelled to live? Or is there something else here?

I don't know for sure. But what I do know is that will power isn't a be all and end all for me (it might work for some but it hasn't been for me yet).

How is my transformation going to unfold? Who can say for sure... it hasn't happened yet. But it has begun.

I'm looking forward to engaging in these conversations soon.

I know what it isn't about. Does it really matter what it is about?

See no Evil, Speak no Evil, Hear no Evil

So how difficult and I allowing this one to be?

Is it because this is the biggest most intense information that is held within my body?

Is it because in every cell I hold information from my past, from the names, from the looks, from the well intended yet misguided "help" to get me to lose weight?

Is it because I am still allowing myself to be a victim to my past? To allow those thoughts of disgust in who I am and what I look like to still reside in my body and ultimately limit who I am and will become?

I know that in these conversations lie the key to my lifelong happiness.

I know that these thoughts are so immense inside of me and I have not let them out because of their intensity.

I know that conversations surrounding obesity and body image make others uncomfortable.

I know that people automatically try to make it better for you by dismissing it in a way. Whether it is by telling you how beautiful you are as a person, that this is all they see and notice. Or by telling you what to eat or not eat. Or by telling you that you just need to replace it with exercises. End of conversations.

You stop because you know they are uncomfortable or don't understand and nothing moves. You bottle those feelings and emotions back up because really nobody wants to speak of such a disgusting and undesirable topic. For me one of the reasons I eat is to supress feelings... and the cycle resumes.

Seclusion. Shame. Self hate. Self deprecating talk. Guilt. RAGE.

Feeling of having this burden to carry around for the rest of my life... alone... my personal fight.

This isn't working for me. Should it be? Should I just be able to suck it up and stick it out? Get it done? Yet each time I do... it doesn't last.

Something is triggered eventually that I allow myself to enter the cycle once again.

I am afraid of what I am about to embark on with Louise. I am also very excited as I know IT WILL NO LONGER HAVE ANY HOLD ON ME!!!

It's not about what I think it's about...

There is such shame and stigma surrounding the conversations of food, disorders and obesity that people like to try to hid from them and from themselves.

In a conversation tonight I mentioned to my friend about my engaging with Louise in conversations revolving around food, eating disorders, obesity and all the conversations in between.

She expressed to me that she knew this as Louise had referred to it in a blog entry surrounding upcoming events/projects. (I guess I need to check in the blogs more often over the weekends). And she also expressed her consciousness surrounding feeling like she wasn't as strong as she should be (physically).

I had a conversation with my father tonight as well. (Hi Dad!) As I told him about what I will be engaging with Louise about over the next 6 weeks or so (starting soon, not yet). He shared that he also feels a little self conscious at times now that he is not able to be as active as he has always been (running daily 10 km to walking to biking) due to his hips.

I also received an email from a WEL-Systems Catalyst whom I have not yet met. He wanted to write to me about my recent blog entry No Quick Fix and shared with me his experiences from his past surrounding similar issues. The waves that e-mail brought me are still lingering.

All of these conversations tonight reminded me that although as an obese woman (ugh I've never referred to myself as that before, I don't know if I will ever do it again) I may feel so very alone and that not many understand me or what I go through so many people are going through similar things and it all surrounds body image... and really what does that boil down to?

How do you... within yourself... feel about what you see in the mirror?

Decloaking, Declaring & Engaging

After contributing to this blog now and again, here and there as the spirit moves me to do so, since the beginning of April. It is slowly coming into the awareness of others. Hi Louise!

This is what I am realizing. My words here, my ability to be brutally honest about what I think, how I feel about things that most people would rather die from as opposed to expose to the world about... all of this can make a huge difference.

I have had an offer from someone I respect and think highly of (Louise) to engage is some sort of process over a period of time surrounding these conversations. Surrounding my obesity, my fears, my shame, my embarrassment, my whatever else may be associated with it.

To create something during this process that would help others during their own journeys.

My instinct is telling me this "secondary" blog is going to start to have much more action over the next 6 months or so, as I delve directly into the conversations surrounding my whole health in stead of dancing around it.

Ready, set go...

No Quick Fix

The excuses are abundant. My energy easily swayed to the next task.

As I prepared for this trip to Ottawa, my travel arrangements were being looked after by someone else. They sent me my itinerary for the approval of times. I accepted.

When I received my ticket from the airline I was mortified to realize they had me on a small plane. Small plane means smaller seats. Immediately my body was filled with shame and humiliation. For a few minutes I thought I'd just have to deal with it, I went on to see the measurements of the seats... not good.

So I checked online for other available flights on bigger planes, I checked their seat measurements... a few inches more, I called the office of the person who made my arrangements and while in the midst of a great amount of heat I explained to her that I am a plus size woman and I was concerned with my ability to fit in the seats of the smaller plane. As silent tears washed down my cheeks I explained that I knew I could 'squeeze' into a normal size seat but had a big fear that I wouldn't be able to do the same on the smaller plane.

Now stop for a minute while you are reading this. Take a breath and put your own self in these shoes, if you have never been here before. Have you ever considered these things would need to be considered by another passenger on the plane?

I got my new tickets and see that I am in a middle seat (this is also not too good). When I arrived at the airport I tried to see if there was anything available on a window or an aisle, this would provide me to sit differently as not to take up too much space next to me. There was no other option the flight was indeed packed tight, so I had to make sure I was one of the first people on for my sections seating. This way I could get settled in and adjust the seat belt prior to the others arrival.

As I sat and waited for the people on each side of me to arrive I tried to see what way I could sit to make me the smallest possible. As each person approached I made up stories in my head about how thankful they were not to have to sit next to me. Then I could see in the mans face who recognized he had to sit next to me.

And the tears are coming back to me now as I write about this... I was thankful he was elderly, I was perhaps most thankful he was in the window seat. This allowed me a little bit of time to buckle myself in and assume the position of squeezing my body to as small as I could get it. The next guy came, I couldn't look at him I was ashamed and I felt bad for them that they had to sit by me.

The flight was long, keeping myself squeezed in a small as I could for the whole flight, not allowing myself to move, trying to make myself unapproachable for conversation by putting my headset on (even though I couldn't make room to really plug it into the plug on the arm rest).

When we arrived and I could unfold I was relieved. My body this morning is so stiff and sore, I know what that is from.

Today I am going to walk over the bridge from Gatineau to my meetings in Downtown Ottawa. According to my mapquest it is just under 4 km so it's definitely do able.

I have been travelling alot lately and I've been using that as an excuse for eating poorly. My journey I started to be successful at has been reversed over the past 3 weeks. That of course will need to change. Who can change that? Myself, by consciously choosing not to be a victim to circumstance... choosing to eat well on the road, how hard is that? It's not really. Suck it Up Princess and get it done.

Tossing the chips in the garbage for housekeeping to throw out while I'm at my meetings today. There is no quick fix... or maybe there is if I quit making excuses....

Triggers

Annoyance, agitation, boredom, anger, all were triggers for me to go to the fridge or the cupboard.

On Friday night I was bored out of my tree, asking Mike to go out with me ANY where. There was nothing on TV, nothing much to do. I didn't want to go out with Sara (my 3 yr old) again by myself.

I kept bugging Mike, lets go out, let do something, ANYTHING.

He did not want to go out, he has been working all week (I've been on vacation), he was tired and wanting to sit back and do nothing.

Okay so what can I do, my mind immediately started to think about what food I can eat and I noticed it. So I told Mike... "we need to go do something I am starting to think about what I can eat now to occupy myself".

Thankfully that was his cue to suck it up and go shopping with me.

I don't think anyone who has never had any food issues realizes just how much it consumes your days. Mostly on the reactive side of things as something to do when I am bored. As something to do when I am angry and remain silent. As something to do to distract myself from something that is annoying me.

Food for many years served as a tool, a strategy instead of sustenance for my physical body.

It is making the difference this time around where I am noticing the underlying reasons behind the trigger to grab something to eat.

It is important for me to continue to consciously choose in the moments where that trigger happens.

Do I indulge this impulse? Do I choose to not indulge and look at the bigger picture?

I am choosing the latter more often than not lately. I feel strong when I do.

Deprivation of something isn't the same... I had some of Sara's Ice Cream Cake for her birthday party last night... somethings need to be eaten... I believe family birthday cake has no calories!

Tomorrow I go back to work after being off for 2 weeks. I need to plan my meals for the week today to make things easier. After all making 2 different meals at meal time is time consuming and I wouldn't want to slack off for the sake of time.

Until next time... choosing mindfully in the moment.

Transformation... coming home.

I don't know what day I am in on my newly declared journey of healthy self. What I do know is that I feel good.

Really good. My personal physical transformation... more of a home coming really, to the person I am.

Not needing to hide from myself. Not needing to stifle my emotions with food (instead welcoming breath). Not needing to dampen my rage by smothering it with mindless eating. It was about control for me... among other things, and I am CHOOSING to be consciously in control.

Standing at cause no longer a victim to my past, my unexpressed emotions, my habits, my vices... all strategies that no longer serve me.

As each day passes and I reflect on how the day was for me in this journey I see that I am on track because I have declared it. I am standing in the now and moving forward.

Enough is Enough

I sit here each time I write on my other blog and I wonder to myself... why did I ever start this second blog? A Whole Healthy Me... why did I decide to put myself out there with one of the greatest struggles I have in my life?

I noticed that my last published entry was in April of this year. APRIL... and that was about my CD not about my journey to whole health.

I have been happily keeping myself busy and occupied with other things I am passionate about, leadership, parenting, writing and having fun with my family. I have allowed these things to become an excuse for my lack of commitment on this end of things. Perhaps my fears of failure? This rings true.

I still find myself waiting at the end of the day until everyone is in bed then raiding the cupboards and the refrigerator. I am not hungry, yet I know that I can be "bad" and eat crap without judgment of others... just have to worry about my self.

So what is holding me back? Does it matter? No, I can simply choose in the now without worry about my history and past successes and failures. I can simply stand in the now and choose differently.

I have dreamt of myself recently much like the woman pictured on the right of this screen. Strong, powerful, a presence to be reckoned with. This is who I am inside, yet when I get up in front of a group of people there is still a part of me wondering just who do they see in front of them? An overweight woman? A fat, lazy pig? A fraud who talks about authentic self, being true and speaking authentically... yet obviously by my appearance I do not live that way myself?

My mother has been doing fantastic in the past 11 weeks she has shed 25 lbs!!! We talked a bit last night about why I stopped what I had started at the same time as her. I made another excuse of how it is hard to eat differently when everyone in my house is not. I am the only one with a weight issue and my family does not need to loose anything.

Then when she pointed out how I could eat basically the same food at the same time I found another excuse. Well i don't have time for breakfast at home I need to eat it at work and I can't bring an omelet to work.

And I notice how one after another the excuses fell out of my mouth... and as they did they left a really bitter taste. I began to cry... this is not me. This is not how I know I should look like. I used to ham it up for the camera... now I hate to see myself in a picture. I know this is why I don't go and get family pictures done... I want to see the beauty of my family when I look at the portrait... I can't see that right now when I look at myself.

Putting on masks. This phrase comes to mind, no one in my life knows exactly how horrible I actually feel about this aspect of my life. I keep wishing it would change, but it will not until I take action.

This is my ENOUGH IS ENOUGH point. I am so tired of being fat. I am so tired of wondering what others might be thinking or saying about me. I am so tired of not sitting down on the bus because I am afraid I might not fit in between two people. I am so tired of being embarrassed and ashamed. And no one can fix it for me! I must take my life into my own hands and move forward to create the type of life I want. IN ALL ASPECTS!

Taking off the mask, and putting the energy of hiding into the energy of action.

Life is damn good... I really must realize this when it comes to my whole self too.

Single Moms CD Testimonial

I couldn't wait to purchase and listen to Lori's CD Single Moms: Struggles and Strengths. I did so on Wednesday and to date I have listened to it 3 times. While listening to Lori and Louise's dialogue, I found myself more then a little engaged! I found out many things. One was why I have always had a deep respect for Lori, almost from the time I met her. Her single Mom struggles were not lost on me and now listening to her CD I realized how much her life mirrors my own Mom, who was a single mother during the 70's (not a very socially acceptable time). My Mom did the same things that Lori did, but the money she earned was still far below what she needed to make, to maintain a good life for me and for my sister. She chose to marry a man she didn't love to provide us with a home and security. That is a profoundly hard thing to understand, except when listening to Lori I realized, it was a different form of pride. She had a job, but by providing us with what was perceived as the "proper" family and home, she felt good.

It's amazing how much impact the conversation between Louise and Lori had on me. Lori is so real to me, not just because I know her and she's my friend. She has a way to make the WELness™ series accessible, not only to me, but to so many other women. As Louise put it so well, Lori is the poster child for the WELness™ series . She attained all the goals she set out for herself and she's just keeps evolving! She inspired me to reach out for my dreams as well, and it's an amazing thing to have someone in your life where it's all positive and welcoming.

Thank you Louise for showing Lori this amazing path to self awareness and discovery, you're presentation of the series engaged her to reveal and "decloak" the real Lori, who was there all along. I love what you said about her, who is this amazing 'unmasked woman'!

There are so many different facets to Lori, but the outstanding personality traits are her teaching abilities, her leadership qualities and she's an amazing Mom! I feel like if I had to describe her in one word it would be EXTRAORDINARY!

Again, thank you both.

Laura Beaton
Dartmouth, NS

Some Insight

Next Monday afternoon I have an appointment for Omega Testing / Nutrition Consultation from Amy McNaughton.

Amy is another WEL-Woman and owns her own business Growing Forward where she encompasses all of her disciplines to offer a unique service to consumers. Bringing her Health & WELness coaching (WEL-Systems) together with her Omega Testing and Nutritional Consulting I believe Amy is well positioned to be highly successful as she carves a future that is both meaningful to her and will offer such an awakening to her customers.

I look forward to meeting with Amy and listening to different ways that I can consider doing things differently when it comes to my nutritional choices.

I don't know much about what Amy does and this is why I have an appointment with her, to learn first hand and become curious about other aspects of my life.

I'll keep you all posted on this exploratory chapter of my journey to whole health. One breath at a time, step by step, moving forward to a balanced life.

Time Triggers

On Friday I decided to tape over the clocks and pay attention to my own body and what it is telling me.

What I discovered was that I pay more attention to the clocks than I do to my body.

I discovered I was more thirsty than hungry throughout the day. I discovered after having 1 toast before 7 a.m. that I wasn't hungry for lunch until almost 2 p.m.

Yet in the run of my day living with clocks, I eat.

I eat when I get to work (don't have time to eat at home most times).

I eat again at 9:30 break time (most days).

I eat at 11:45 or Noon depending on if I am going for a walk or out for lunch.

I often will look to eat around 2:30 to "get me through".

Then I eat again supper, around 5 p.m.

Then after everyone in the house is asleep, I "make lunches" and eat some more.

Whew, actually writing it down brings a resonance with my own self. To actually admit it to myself... was quite unreal to me... yet denial was a place I've been at for quite some time with regards to my food issues.

When I am not aware of the TIME and choosing to listen to my body... I don't eat nearly as much.

So what kind of trigger or habit does time hold for me? It's irrelevant, all I need to know is I can no longer be unaware of this anymore. I know now, is whatever that may be... it no longer serves me.

As I begin my day each day now I must NOT pay attention to clocks.... to break my cycle of mindless eating... choosing to pay attention to myself and ask in each moment... is this what I want?

What's it all about?

Whole Health. What does it mean to you?

For me it is feeling whole, feeling connected, mind, body and spirit.

So when I allow myself to remember who I am, I have my whole health.

So what is all of this about? My intention, my journey of matching my outside self with my inside self? We are one, there is no difference.

What it boils down to is making conscious decisions and choices about what I take into my body (nourishment/sustenance) and what I choose to do with my body (movement/exercise).

Recognizing when subconscious programs are running (habits) and choosing in the moment that is no longer serving me.

I find myself still going to the cupboards after everyone is in bed... I recognize this is a habit and I decide in that moment, do I continue or do I stop and choose differently.

One thing I know I am going to start doing today is make lunches for my family right after supper instead of when everyone goes to sleep.

Today I am also going to experiment with covering up the clocks so I don't know what time it is. As I am home by myself this would be a perfect day to do that. To become attuned to the rhythm of my own body and what it is saying to me.

Right now it wants some tea to warm up!

Discovering mySelf, listening once again to the sound of my body, remembering my whole self.

Remembering

As I decided to begin this new journey a few days ago I have discovered by simply bringing this intention of a whole healthy me into my awareness has changed the way I move through my world.

My body knows. I am not feeling the "need" to snack so much, to over indulge. I can no longer be NOT aware of who I see myself as.

Louise invited me to bring into my awareness a time when I was most powerful in all ways. And remember how that was for me. And it brings tears to my eyes because I remember.

Remembering how I feel when I am at that place of deep knowing.

Being connected with everything and everyone, yet knowing how resourceful I am and who I am.

Remembering the feeling of immensity, the fullness, the complete saturation of who I was, who I am and who I can become inside of me at the same time, bursting out filling up the space in which I sat.

And the peace and calmness I felt inside.

That is who I am.

That is who I need to remember I am as I move through my day to day world. CHOOSING to keep that sacred and feeling it within me.

Set my intention at a higher level of thinking.

This is who I am...The rest will fall into place.

Well on my way to a whole healthy me.

The Beginning

I am tired.

I feel icky.

My clothes no longer fit properly. I have literally busted out of some pants (rips, tears) hmm that is very interesting tear as in tearing clothes is spelt the same as tear... or maybe I just suck at spelling.

I am feeling lethargic.

I am beginning to feel depressed.

I am feeling large but not a good way. Actually huge comes to mind for me.

I decided I have to do something about it. How is that going to happen?

It can only happen one way, I have to do something to change it.

I'm going to be getting married sometime soon. I haven't set a date yet because I needed to be certain of somethings, now that I am sure of my upcoming marriage, I need to feel good about myself. And there is only one thing I am not feeling good about... my weight, size, health. I can be very happy being overweight as long as I feel good physically and mentally.

Hmm, or is that statement just one that I have always said to myself to make me feel alright with myself?

I need to get active again. I need to start eating to sustain my health not detract from it eating as a form of controlling my life, my surroundings, my anger, my spite.

I want to be able to walk by chocolate and not feel like I have to hurry up and eat them before they are gone. I want to not feel like I have to hide it... because man do I hide it.

As a child I hid it, as a teenager I sneaked it. As an adult I'm back to hiding it. Waiting for everyone to be in bed or out of the house then eating mindlessly because I can. Because I had a hard day. Because I can't possibly eat this in front of people so this is the only time to do it.

And I did this just today. Just now before starting this forum... because its Easter, the bunny was here for the kids and the baby is sleeping, Jessica is out of the house, and Mike is at work.

And I feel disgusting... I feel horrible about why I did that, and not having an answer.

This is going to be a major decloaking for me.

Talking about all of these issues that are so very personal to me.

Things I am ashamed of not only because I know better but because growing up I was taught to be ashamed of it. I was verbally, emotionally and physically abused in my past all surrounding food, inactivity and my outward appearances. That all sticks to the very make up of my cells and is something I want to make sure stops here.

Last year I started my journey on my interior self, my discovery of who I am and what makes me tick; see my Exploring Our Potential Blog. Today I start my journey on my exterior self, to match the both together... to create a Whole Healthy Me.